1920s: Josephine's loss

 

As they return from Del Sol Valley, Abigail and Joseph have a party of their own to arrange, as William and Edward are turning 15 and is ready to start high school. It's a big change, and deserves a celebration. As the boys were born on the same day, they get a joint party in the senior Whittaker house, which soon fills with (almost) all members of the family. It's a bit crowded, but just the way Abigail likes it.

Meet William (the first picture) and Edward (the second). Two young men now, ready to start high school. William is a party animal, Edward is active, neither likes to sit still for long and the scouts has given both a love for nature and the outdoors.

A love for the outdoors is something Josephine does not have, not further than her little garden outside her house. What she does love is her beautiful baby boy, with his hair as fiery red as his daddy. Life in the Sinclair household is settling into a bit of a routine. Josephine gets up early in the morning to feed and change Thomas, then makes breakfast for Nash and as he goes off to work she spends the days cleaning, doing laundry, gardening or playing with Thomas. By the time Nash comes home she has dinner on the table and a house that is spotless. Just like its supposed to be.

After dinner, Nash gets the chance to spend time with his son, while Josephine cleans up after dinner. He's quite the doting father, and loves to play with his son, even if he only spends a few hours a day with him.

When Josephine is done with the dishes, it's usually time for Thomas to go to sleep. When he's down the two adults sit in their living room, listening to their favourite radio shows. Josephine knits, sometimes they share a cup of tea. It's a quiet life. Just like Josephine wants it.

But this new pregnancy is hard. Josephine is constantly plagued by morning sickness, throwing up much more than she did with Thomas. She gets tired earlier, and in general feels off. She doesn't let that stop her, however, but soldier's through, until one morning there is no denying that something is seriously wrong. After barely managing to eat in spite of being really hungry, Josephine, like her mother before her, feels how her stomach cramps up.

She rushes off to the hospital, and while Nash wants to go with her, she orders him to stay at home instead. "It's probably nothing," she says, but as much as she wants it to be true, she can feel it in her bones that it is not. Nash takes a day off from work and stays at home with Thomas, anxiously waiting for the return of his wife, and wondering a little what to do with Thomas other than to play with him. Where are the diapers if he needs them? How do you change them? And what if Thomas gets hungry? Hopefully Josephine will come home soon and all will be well.

But all is not well when Josephine finally returns. In spite of going to the hospital, there was nothing to be done. The miscarriage was already a fact, and Josephine is heartbroken! Who is she if she cannot even protect the child in her stomach? How can she pretend to be the perfect wife when she's so useless? She cannot stop crying. Nash does his best to comfort her, but in truth he is heartbroken too. 

He does the only thing he can think of, calls in Abigail to help.

Having gone through this pain herself, Abigail can understand better than anyone what Josephine is feeling, and she is happy to step up. She starts by making Josephine feed Thomas, then sends her to bed to rest, before taking over the household. She does the laundry, the gardening, cooks dinner and tends to baby Thomas when needed, giving the two grieving parents time and room to mourn the baby they lost. Nash tries to work and write some reports for work, but cannot stop crying, and Josephine just sleeps. Eventually Abigail forces her to do the one thing she knows she needs to do - take care of her son. In Abigail's mind, there is only one thing that will help with the loss of a child. The love to the child you already have.

In Josephine's case, she might be right. With Josephine so much of her identity is tied up in being the perfect wife and mother, that this hits her self esteem hard. Who is she if not that? What is she worth if she cannot care for and protect her children? As she gives her son a bath, perhaps she can start to find some meaning again? 

"You will be able to have more children," Abigail assures her. "I did." 

All Josephine can do is hope her mother is right, but right now she doesn't feel as if she is. With Thanksgiving right around the corner, Josephine doesn't feel very thankful.