1970s: Returning home isn't always easy
As the Paris Peace Accord take effect, and the policy of "Vietnamisation" is declared finished, it's time for the US troops to return home. For Carl it's with mixed feelings he sets on packing - as he know his time with Chi is up. "I will work to get you over from home," he promises. Only a few days before has she told him that she's pregnant.
"You can't possibly know that's yours," his CO has told him bluntly. "So no, it makes no difference. For all you know she's not even pregnant." Carl might be naive, but he's not stupid, he knows it can be someone else's, but he also knows it could be his. What if he's leaving his own child behind?
But in this he has no say, and any promises he makes are weak at best. He cannot make the government accept Chi, he cannot prove the child is his, he can send money but he has no way of knowing if it reaches her or not. "I won't forget you," he tries to console the crying Chi as he sees her that last night. The next morning he boards the plane that will take him home to a family that he fears will never understand.
Back home, few are talking about the war, more people are talking about the economy. Inflation has taken hold, in spite of Nixon's financial policies to curb them. Now his wage and price controls are ending, and with it his control of the economy. Prices rise sharply, and even households such as Carl's family is feeling the financial burden as everything is getting more expensive. For Carl, on a vet's pension, it means he has to stay at home, as there is no way he can afford a place of his own. And so he's back to sharing a room with his kid brother, but doing nothing to change his situation. With his uniform off he lets his hair grow and stops shaving. To his parent's horror, he gets a tattoo. "Do you want to look like a criminal?" his mother asks. "What will people think?"
Thomas is more laid back than his wife, and he tries to give his son space, remembering all too well the feeling of returning home. Betty cannot leave her son to watch football all day, and is convinced he'd feel better if he also felt useful. She loves him too much to see him waste his life way, so she tries the more direct approach, suggesting activities, jobs, universities. Carl starts avoiding his mother as a result, sleeping well into the day when it's only the two of them at home, then tuning her out by the tv, before jogging through the night to keep the thoughts at bay. He can't stand the quiet, when his thoughts get the better of him, but he also can't stand crowds, and so he avoids them as much as he can.
What his mother, or anyone else for that matter, doesn't see is the guilt he's carrying around. He promised Chi that he'd try to get her to the US, but now months are passing and he's doing nothing. Often he doesn't even think of her, which makes it worse and he hasn't told his family about her, or about the baby that might be his and might be someone else's. For someone who believes in family, his own behaviour disgusts him and yet the more months passes, the harder it is to speak up, and the easier it is to just forget, push Chi along with everything else that has to do with Vietnam to the back of his mind and pretend it never happened.
He sometimes find himself wondering if it's a girl or a boy she's expecting. He doesn't write to ask.
Finally Thomas has had enough, and decide it's time to do something. Steven's birthday is coming up, and so Thomas decides this is a good time to go visit Anna at her ranch. Well into her 80s by now, Anna no longer owns horses of her own, but she rents out stable space to others and three horses still live on the farm. Carl has always enjoyed riding, and Thomas knows how much help the contact with animals can have. While Carl thinks the trip is to celebrate his baby brother aging up, Thomas has other ideas.
"I'll set up a room for him," Anna says without hesitation. Once, when she bought the farm, she played with the idea of letting it be a place for vets to recover, allowing nature and the animals sooth a troubled mind. In the end, she was too busy with helping her sister to follow through with it, but the ranch served its purpose anyway. For Nash, for Johnny, and for Thomas. Now time has come for Carl to join the ranks of troubled souls who needs some space and air to breathe.
Once at the ranch, Carl heads straight for the horses, just as his father thought he would. Anna joins him as the rest of the family spend time with Johnny.
Anna let's Carl get acquainted with the animals before joining him. "They're new," he finally says as he speaks up.
"Yes," Anna says. "Gale died a little over a year ago. She was the last of mine. These belong to families around town who doesn't have a stable." She smiles. "It's funny, when I first moved here, everyone had a stable. Now people rent space here."
"But you care for them."
"Oh yes. That's the deal, they get a place in the stable - or paddock now in the summer - I care for the horses and get to ride them. They come and tend to them too, but it is hard work. Rewarding, but getting harder. I don't have the energy I once had, but I can't imagine not having them here. Sometimes horses are easier to talk to than humans." Carl doesn't say anything to that, and so Anna says nothing as well, letting the horses do the persuading.
"Want to go for a ride?" she asks. "I rarely have time to take them all out, you'd do me a favor."
Carl does, and soon they are riding around the area. Carl pushes his horse, his thoughts quieting when his focus is on the movements and needs of the horse.
When they return, and after Carl has cleaned up, they all share a birthday dinner and cake before Steven blows out his candles and ages up to a teenager. Carl has to admit its cool to see his little brother so grown up, even if he looks a bit (a lot) like a nerd.
After dinner Carl joins goes with Anna to tend to the horses before bedtime while the rest of the family gathers around the TV to watch the summary of the Watergate hearings. For Carl that kind of thing feels entirely pointless, but the horses gives him focus, allows him to be here and now and not in some conflict with society or people. Before they're doine, Carl has made up his mind. Just like Thomas and Anna suspected he would, he has taken to the horses and the peace they offer. "I could stay and help out if you want. I mean if the work is too hard for you and all."Anna smiles. "I couldn't thank you enough if you did," she says knowing all too well the power of helping others. "But you'll need some better clothes for the job. We can go shopping in town to get you some proper ranch wear." Carl agrees, and so as his family heads back home, he stays behind, none the wiser to the fact that this was what his father and aunt had planned all along.
"You can't possibly know that's yours," his CO has told him bluntly. "So no, it makes no difference. For all you know she's not even pregnant." Carl might be naive, but he's not stupid, he knows it can be someone else's, but he also knows it could be his. What if he's leaving his own child behind?
But in this he has no say, and any promises he makes are weak at best. He cannot make the government accept Chi, he cannot prove the child is his, he can send money but he has no way of knowing if it reaches her or not. "I won't forget you," he tries to console the crying Chi as he sees her that last night. The next morning he boards the plane that will take him home to a family that he fears will never understand.
Back home, few are talking about the war, more people are talking about the economy. Inflation has taken hold, in spite of Nixon's financial policies to curb them. Now his wage and price controls are ending, and with it his control of the economy. Prices rise sharply, and even households such as Carl's family is feeling the financial burden as everything is getting more expensive. For Carl, on a vet's pension, it means he has to stay at home, as there is no way he can afford a place of his own. And so he's back to sharing a room with his kid brother, but doing nothing to change his situation. With his uniform off he lets his hair grow and stops shaving. To his parent's horror, he gets a tattoo. "Do you want to look like a criminal?" his mother asks. "What will people think?"
Thomas is more laid back than his wife, and he tries to give his son space, remembering all too well the feeling of returning home. Betty cannot leave her son to watch football all day, and is convinced he'd feel better if he also felt useful. She loves him too much to see him waste his life way, so she tries the more direct approach, suggesting activities, jobs, universities. Carl starts avoiding his mother as a result, sleeping well into the day when it's only the two of them at home, then tuning her out by the tv, before jogging through the night to keep the thoughts at bay. He can't stand the quiet, when his thoughts get the better of him, but he also can't stand crowds, and so he avoids them as much as he can.
What his mother, or anyone else for that matter, doesn't see is the guilt he's carrying around. He promised Chi that he'd try to get her to the US, but now months are passing and he's doing nothing. Often he doesn't even think of her, which makes it worse and he hasn't told his family about her, or about the baby that might be his and might be someone else's. For someone who believes in family, his own behaviour disgusts him and yet the more months passes, the harder it is to speak up, and the easier it is to just forget, push Chi along with everything else that has to do with Vietnam to the back of his mind and pretend it never happened.
He sometimes find himself wondering if it's a girl or a boy she's expecting. He doesn't write to ask.
Finally Thomas has had enough, and decide it's time to do something. Steven's birthday is coming up, and so Thomas decides this is a good time to go visit Anna at her ranch. Well into her 80s by now, Anna no longer owns horses of her own, but she rents out stable space to others and three horses still live on the farm. Carl has always enjoyed riding, and Thomas knows how much help the contact with animals can have. While Carl thinks the trip is to celebrate his baby brother aging up, Thomas has other ideas.
"I'll set up a room for him," Anna says without hesitation. Once, when she bought the farm, she played with the idea of letting it be a place for vets to recover, allowing nature and the animals sooth a troubled mind. In the end, she was too busy with helping her sister to follow through with it, but the ranch served its purpose anyway. For Nash, for Johnny, and for Thomas. Now time has come for Carl to join the ranks of troubled souls who needs some space and air to breathe.
Once at the ranch, Carl heads straight for the horses, just as his father thought he would. Anna joins him as the rest of the family spend time with Johnny.
Anna let's Carl get acquainted with the animals before joining him. "They're new," he finally says as he speaks up.
"Yes," Anna says. "Gale died a little over a year ago. She was the last of mine. These belong to families around town who doesn't have a stable." She smiles. "It's funny, when I first moved here, everyone had a stable. Now people rent space here."
"But you care for them."
"Oh yes. That's the deal, they get a place in the stable - or paddock now in the summer - I care for the horses and get to ride them. They come and tend to them too, but it is hard work. Rewarding, but getting harder. I don't have the energy I once had, but I can't imagine not having them here. Sometimes horses are easier to talk to than humans." Carl doesn't say anything to that, and so Anna says nothing as well, letting the horses do the persuading.
"Want to go for a ride?" she asks. "I rarely have time to take them all out, you'd do me a favor."
Carl does, and soon they are riding around the area. Carl pushes his horse, his thoughts quieting when his focus is on the movements and needs of the horse.
When they return, and after Carl has cleaned up, they all share a birthday dinner and cake before Steven blows out his candles and ages up to a teenager. Carl has to admit its cool to see his little brother so grown up, even if he looks a bit (a lot) like a nerd.
He is one too, as a socially awkward geek. Most likely, he'll never be the king on the dancefloor.
After dinner Carl joins goes with Anna to tend to the horses before bedtime while the rest of the family gathers around the TV to watch the summary of the Watergate hearings. For Carl that kind of thing feels entirely pointless, but the horses gives him focus, allows him to be here and now and not in some conflict with society or people. Before they're doine, Carl has made up his mind. Just like Thomas and Anna suspected he would, he has taken to the horses and the peace they offer. "I could stay and help out if you want. I mean if the work is too hard for you and all."
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